I swear if this bitch talks any louder on the phone I’m gonna lose my fucking mind. I’m sitting here trying to keep my shit together while they’re bragging about some fight they got into at the weekend. Maybe if they spent less time popping bottles and picked up a textbook they wouldn’t be at the clinic, and now I bet everyone is looking at me like I’m the same stupid slut who’s been screwed one too many times. I don’t understand how they all can just sit here calmly when half of them are waiting to find out if their dicks are gonna fall off. I’m so nervous that the only thing I can hear, apart from Motor Mouth over there is the blood pumping in my ears.
Where is this woman with my damn results? I made my appointment on time, I told her how many guys I’ve slept with, I listened to her preach about safe sex, I spat in that cup thing-now I just need to know. She said it would take ten to fifteen minutes, but I’ve even gone to smoke a cigarette and still haven’t heard a thing. What if I missed her when I was outside? What if something went wrong with my test? What if they’re trying figure out how tell me that I tested positive? How am I gonna tell Mom and everyone else that I’ve got HIV from Adam of all people? They warned me he was no good and I can’t believe I was about to spend my whole pay check on a birthday present for that motherfucker when he was out catching diseases with other bitches. He’s the only one who’s lasted long enough to meet my family, now the guy I would’ve killed for is the one guy that’s gonna kill me.
A million things are rushing around my head right now. What am I gonna do if I am positive? Will I ever be able to have sex again? Will they let me around kids? Will they even let me leave the fucking country? Maybe I can start one of those websites to share details of ‘my journey with HIV’ and get lots of followers on Twitter and start a charity and get interviewed by Ellen…
Oh wait she’s back:
‘Jesse Kilmons’ she calls
I waste no time in moving from my seat and following her back into the room I was in before, except this time she has a pile of papers on her desk. She closes the door behind me
‘Take a seat’
I sit down and wait for the lady to do the same. She takes a deep breath…
‘So we’ve got your result back, and I’m pleased to report that they’ve come back negative.’
Photo by Edouard Daunizeau